Help With Pregnancy
Help With Pregnancy Hardly a week goes by at the pub but someone is passing out virtual cigars, which of course, are not actually intended for smoking for we are excruciatingly correct at Molly’s Pub. The old custom serves, however, as a convenient way for the young men to avoid the newly popular announcement: “We’re P r e g n a n t !” ...which causes some of them to pale. In this room, where the rhythmic squeak of rocking chairs keeps time to the strains of Mozart (which is good for baby’s developing brain) the beverages have quaint names like Virgin Mary and Virgin Colada, the only of their kind to be found here among the fecund. Tales of pregnancy, like the veteran’s war story, become ever more vivid in the telling, a uniquely female epic to rival Homer and Virgil’s. Should you ever need to fill an uncomfortable silence, that is, one p r e g n a n t with tension, merely ask the nearest mother about her pregnancies, then nod occasionally, and try not to let your eyes glaze over. Molly comes here to dispense unsolicited advice served up with a soupçon of old wives’ tales, which the young women receive, of course, with breath properly bated. Kathleen, however, trolls for news of upcoming baby showers and the odd opportunity to purchase the tiniest frilly pink dresses to be found at the department stores, a widely shared female addiction that men hardly suspect. The room reeks of wholesomeness, and in truth, the only wicked thing here—and how wicked could such a fine anti-oxidant be?—is the abundance of chocolate. It is eaten for the baby’s sake, for sugar is the most important nutrient for the developing brain, and if you have information to the contrary kindly keep it to yourself. Pregnancy Advice: One Good Thing about Morning Sickness Morning Sickness, the queasy dis-ease Is a feature of some pregnancies But some never tossed Their cookies, nor lost Even one chance to store calories. Period During Pregnancy: Getting on the Scale Every visit, three pounds, do you pale With the thought to step up on the scale? And that twig, she'll report Your weight gain, so, in short Has she anything you could blackmail? Waddling In the ninth month, your body, for kicks Has begun to play snide little tricks And you walk like a duck Keep your humor, with luck It is something that one week will fix. It's 8am, Do You Know Where Your Feet Are? This morning you dressed in the dark? Couldn't see past your tummy to mark Those are two different blues? But I'm certain mixed shoes Can be chutzpahed into a trademark. . Profound Thoughts on being P r e g n a n t That madonna as round as an egg Looking pensive, "profound thoughts," you peg Is not pond'ring her navel It's that she's not able To move with the kink in her leg. Help with Pregnancy: Pit Stops The wise pregnant woman reflects. It Does not do to pass up an exit For the next hope to pee On a car trip could be Even farther than hubby expects it. There are help with pregnancy websites, starting with Stages in Pregnancy for a pregnancy calculator, fertility advice, charts, graphs, and some amusing ways to influence gender outcomes. Pregnancy Myths are fun, and help with pregnancy is myriad, but we have perhaps OD'ed on chocolate... So how about fish and chips in the main bar of Molly's Pub at Here-be-limerick-poems? And please r e l a x for help with pregnancy is as close as your mither who loves you...why not call her right now?
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