In Dire Need Of Mushy Anniversary Toasts?

Mushy Anniversary Toasts

A bangle of gold is a nice thing,
or a necklace that matches her pearl ring.
A coat made of fur
shows you care about her-
But a diamond will pluck at her heartstring.

 by Martha Long

From time to time, we feature the limericks of pub patrons for your edification and enjoyment. Herein you will find the wit and wisdom of these delightful guests. It is always fun to view the world from another set of eyes, is it not?

The spirit of fun in the pub, the tradition of challenge and retort, is alive and well at the Here Be Limerick Poems Pub and tonight started off with mushy anniversary toasts, which led naturally to a treatise upon diamonds, specifically, the marquise. You wouldn’t want to lose track of such frivolity, so may we suggest you bookmark this Web site and return often? We are continually adding to our inventory. New Brews for you to taste test appear nearly every day.

Tips For Anniversary Toasts

A diamond’s forever, though “cashy”
Yet she'll be so delighted and glad she
Decided on you
When she said, “I do”.
And besides its so totally flashy.

by Martha Long

Ah, yes. The Diamond. The girl’s best friend. It is open microphone night at the pub. A patron, who was a science major and very proud of it, waxes eloquent about them, presenting a freelance piece for our edification. Listen to her ramble on when asked if she would buy a fake diamond.

“I love things that sparkle! A friend says I must have been a crow in a former life—presumably this is the main attribute of crows. Look into the soul of the diamond. In there lies a tiny star on fire. Your diamond traps a stray photon (a bundle of light) and bounces it about like a pinball until it finds escape. Inside the diamond, white light is shattered into shards of rainbow colors for white light contains red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet—Roy G. Biv if you like mnemonics.

Loving diamonds is not materialism, it is an appreciation of Beauty. Beauty is Truth, and it is true that most of us adore these gems. But would you still love them if they were not costly? Let’s do a thought experiment. Imagine that a particular painting was found in an attic where Picasso had lived in France. The curator of every major museum said it was an original Picasso and signed papers of authenticity saying so. A geneticist even found Picasso's DNA in some smudges on the canvas stretcher strips. But Picasso neglected to sign it just before he was overtaken by death. It's on the auction block for only $1M, or 25% of the $4M cost of the last Picasso sold at Sotheby's. With your last million, would you buy it? Is it a bargain or a waste?

So you see that determining value is tricky. A second thought experiment. If you were languishing in the desert, would you trade the diamond on your finger for a cold bottled water? You bet, and that would be sane.

Why is something so unnecessary so valuable? Rarity, of course. Would you buy an artificially made diamond for 25% of the cost of the one made under natural conditions of temperature and pressure within the earth? Notice that I avoided the use of the word “fake.” The octahedral (eight-sided) crystalline structure of this carbon based crystal is the same. If you were to grind up both a mined diamond and a laboratory created diamond, you would find the chemical composition identical. Moreover, you would find the created diamond to be more “pure.” Your salesperson may apologize for the lack of black carbon inclusions in your lab stone, or perhaps that the perfect color might tip off a specialist that it was not made under natural conditions. Should this bother you?

De Beers says that 94% of women will be disappointed if the stone is not made by mother nature. Of course, De Beers has a lot on the line, but is this insistence upon natural processes rational? Let's peer into this tempest teapot at its most vulnerable point, the engagement ring. Should a young man buying his first engagement ring for the love of his life steer clear of the synthetic stones?

Yes. Why? For the same reason that soldiers have given their lives to lift a fallen flag on the battlefield—symbolism. The ring pledges a bedrock of genuine love as the basis of this new union and the symbol at the present time is a from-the-earth stone. You are in effect buying the rarity and not simply the stone. It may not always remain so for symbols are not static. However, after your engagement ring, does it matter? For myself? I’ll drip with them; I’ll swim in them; I’ll hang them in front of my windows! I’ll string them over chandeliers! Bring those little prisms on!”

My, how verbose! She must have kissed the Blarney Stone. Hmmm, and usually she is so quiet. However, she seems to have done some research. What could possibly come next at the pub after mushy anniversary toasts? Karaoke?

Funny Wedding Anniversary Poems

Anniversaries give marriage a lift
As we celebrate hardly a rift.
But along with a kiss
One would be quite remiss
Should you failed to have bought her a gift.

by Martha Long who adores both diamonds and mushy anniversary toasts.

So much for diamonds and mushy anniversary toasts. Venus and Mars are just down the hall...

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