Wedding Favors
Wedding favors are under discussion in the corner where Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield engages in a tête-à-tête with a dear friend, Goodie Edwards. They sip white wine, and peck keywords into their
Fujitsu Computers,
searching for the perfect gift for guests. tying the knot, rather unlike the Gordian type, permits no simple solution. They have been surfing the Net assiduously for wedding guest gifts, hours now, bent on a mission to locate the ne plus ultra of
wedding favors.
Fortunately, the chauffeur will be driving.
Molly herself serves the patrons in that room in the room at the pub which attracts the rich, feeling trepid about Kathleen's barbed wit and its effect upon the upper crust. Here are deep plush chairs, copies of The Wall Street Journal™, the faint strains of a Baroque quartet, and since the downstairs people are not today providing commentary, the humor is rather more subtle, as the jaded eye eavesdrops (to mix a metaphor). Goodie's husband, Jonathan, a rather tedious man, is the type who provides joy when he leaves. Goodie is delighted for a valid excuse to be out of the house, for Jonathan is given to finding motes, and proselytising upon the topic of sinners in the hands of an angry…but we digress.
Regrettably, Goodie Edwards has fallen upon hard times, her stocks having tanked in the 2001 tech wreck, but she has fallen back upon her greatest skill-planning lavish parties-and accordingly, was engaged as wedding planner for Bitsy, who attends Vassar-legacy-of course.
Get a good wedding planner instead
With a track record and a hard head
For keeping expense
From becoming immense
And the cost overruns that you dread.
Wedding favors, as every bride knows, must be perfect. Goodie Edwards began with the suggestion of a tennis bracelet, which was quickly nixed, for the rich did not become so with profligacy. Upon the table, in a forlorn heap, are samples of key chains, frames, can openers, and unmatched geegaws like coasters or wine glass tags properly bought in sets of a dozen that Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield explains, with teeth clenched, are trifles to be thrown, unappreciated, into a drawer by guests or given to the servants.
A flight later, Goodie Edwards finds herself in the $5 to $15 dollar range per couple, and in frustration, has just suggested two truffles in a cardboard box with "Bitsy and Arthur" engraved in gold foil on the front. Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield is appalled and aghast, for truffles are fattening, and of course, one can never be too rich or too thin. In any case, since they are gone in a wink they can never aspire to become a fitting and elegant keepsake for Bitsy's special day. Were that not enough, the truffle concept is overused and unmemorable.
The phrase "wedding favor" has captured Molly's ear, and hoping they will eventually see fit to toddle home, she slips Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield a small volume, The The Keepsake Book of Love and Marriage. She examines its hardbound, pearlized cover, notes its charming illustrations, smithsewn signatures, and ribbon bookmark, and with excitement mounting, she peruses the interior, finding sentimental, amusing, and occasionally acerbic quotations from literature about Love and Marriage, delightful to read and all properly annotated.
Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield is elated, knowing that books are valued more highly than other gifts, and retained forever upon bookshelves. Inside, she notes a page upon which the bride may personalize the book for her guests. Yet she wonders about the cost, and Goodie quickly points out that unlike truffles, one household requires only one book, and therefore, at $12.95, it costs absolutely no more than the more plebeian options discarded upon the table.
The matter decided tastefully, Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield gathers up her Prada sunglasses, her Versace handbag, and Chanel scarf, and weaves toward the door, without remembering the tally she takes leave of Goodie, who transacts much of her business at the pub, for it is more congenial than her home, and is now waiting for her next client. She shall not put it on Mrs. VanderWyden-Crutchfield's wedding planner statement, for the same woman incapable of carrying cash is quite capable of challenging every item on her statements. It is not worth the grief.
Here comes Moira, a girl from the heartland. She has consulted a wedding planner for help with the excruciatingly proper handling of mother-in-laws-to-be and the budget-that-must-not-be-ignored. She would also like to have a beautiful wedding. These are topics that are a bit of a sticky wicket, but Goodie is up to the task, for having lived with Jonathan, she is incredibly adroit with difficult people. And budgeting? She has had many years now since the tech wreck to appreciate that the rich are different... At least, she knows now to start with the The Keepsake Book of Love and Marriage as a wedding favor, for it is elegant, cost-conscious, and classic. It will save a great deal of agonizing for the bride, who is in a dither, and requires good advice about many things. Shall we listen in on the wedding planning?
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